Dedicated to Curvy Women: Myself Image/Me?

In reading Alice Clayton’s book “The Redhead Plays Her Hand”, which I loved, by the way, there was this phrase I wrote down that just got to me.  Along with so many others but this is something I wanted to use here for our blog to open discussions up to men and women alike. So, here we go…

“Curvy women who want to live a healthier lifestyle, bolstered by the interest in their own struggle.  In an effort to shed light on the struggles women with self-image, confidence, their sexuality and everything else facing a modern woman.”

Once you read her book you will fully understand the context of this statement so I don’t want to give it away.  Yet, it is something as a woman I have struggled with my whole life.  My weight, the funny thing is that now due to the fact that two years ago I found out I had stage one thyroid cancer (two years clean) I weigh less than I did in 6^th grade all the way until my first miscarriage at 19.  Then in one year of depression, I gained 107 pounds.  I struggled with self-image problems for sure but didn’t want to face that I was depressed.  My sexuality suffered as did my poor husband but he stuck it out with me.  We adopted three children and after several years I had weight loss surgery the funny thing is I only lost the original 107 lbs.  My body had always been comfortable at that original weight and believe me I was grateful to see that weight again.  My self-image returned as well as my sexuality, boy was my husband happy, LOL!  Then after 21 ½ years of marriage, I was blessed after being told I could never get pregnant again, with a birth child, my now 13-year-old.  Now the funny thing is when I got pregnant I started losing weight and they started getting worried but the baby was fine.  I did end up gaining 66 lbs. during the pregnancy 9 lbs. 6 oz. was a baby the rest was water which I lost within a week of leaving the hospital plus a little more than I started with because of breastfeeding.  After I stopped breastfeeding I put on 30 lbs. of the original 107 lbs. until I found out I had cancer.  Now I lost that 30 plus 30 more but my head does not always see that.  For the most part, I don’t even think about my weight until I get sized up by other women who I know are making judgments about me.  Or at least that is what my head is saying.  I don’t even see myself as attractive until my husband tells me that the guy I was talking to was flirting with me, I say no he wasn’t, he says yes he was I watched him looking at you then as you got close you being you just started talking and being friendly.  I feel so weird when that happens like I should not have let it happen but on the other hand, it's nice too & I wouldn't be me if I didn't talk and open with all people.  How crazy weird is that what’s weirder is that my husband and even my daughter has told me.  Freaky!  I was never that girl others were that girl.  I married my high-school sweetheart so that seems so strange to me, but nice.  But then again they may just be thinking when I walk away she's a b----!  Yet, I don’t know that is just where my head goes.  I have always done my hair and makeup, not for anyone else but myself to make myself feel good.  My mom is always saying I don’t know why you always have to put on all that stuff and can’t just run out without it.  For me I like to look in the mirror and feel prepared & pretty to myself, it’s the cosmetologist in me the one thing I had control of I guess.  I wanted my girls to know that no matter what, that they are beautiful.  However, they are.  Weight wise thin or not.  As long as they are eating healthy and are in at least one sport or dance. And no matter if their hair is done, undone, make-up, no make-up, matching or un-matching clothes, which kills me (but I've learned to pick my battles)  but after 4 kids it's easier now with the 4^th.  That they are loved no matter what.

The long and the short of it is that women as a whole need to be kinder to one another so that we can pass it on to our girls that we are here to support each other.  Media is a huge factor on our self-esteem and how our teens and even younger think they should look and be, that is one scary thought.

What are your thoughts of your self-image or what your children may be going through or someone you love?